If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
