When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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