I CAN MOONWALK!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
