And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
