Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
