It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Quick, to the slutcave!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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