i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We got so high we made milksteak
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
