you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
