I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
