I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
