I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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