I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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