I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
