I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
tell me about the fingering
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