We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
