dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
