I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
