you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
