I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
