i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
