I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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