please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
