Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
