Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
