My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
