What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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