this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize