I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
