Will you blow on my dice?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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