I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
