I think my vagina is haunted
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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