I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
