This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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