I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize