k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
