k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
