Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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