I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
