Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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