carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
