You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk is not a location!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
