guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
where are my eyebrows?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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