The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
