Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
