just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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