Someone shit on the floor
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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