Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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