We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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