all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
