It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize