Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
