Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
