I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We need a shit load of segways right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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