Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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