Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
