We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize