there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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