I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's always time for handjobs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
