I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
