I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My first STD was from a foam party
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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