My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am available for nakedness
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
