who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
