i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
