Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
