New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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