we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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