Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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