Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
