I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
