I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
