i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
