I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize